“The Proof Is In the Pudding”

What does this saying mean, anyway?  I was curious, so I Googled it.  “The proof is in the pudding” means that the true value or quality of something can only be judged when it’s put to use or tried and tested.

So that’s what I want to do with Beyond Consequences! It’s time to get the science and numbers to back up all the testimonials I’ve received from parents from around the globe.

And that is where you come in. Would you like to be a part of our research study?
As a participant in my online parenting class starting this Wednesday, January 13, you can be a part of it!

If you want to know more about this online class and research study, watch the videos here:

http://heathertforbes.com/blog/online-parenting-course-overview/

The first Beyond Consequences Online parenting for 2010 will begin this Wednesday, January 13 and will run consecutively for the next 10 weeks. Each class will be approximately 90 minutes in length.

As a class participant, you will have the ability to be a part of this research study with us.  It’s anonymous and easy!

The questionnaires are electronic–nothing in the mail to keep track of!  The bonus is that it will help you to see your progress as your family moves from a place of chaos
to peace and happiness.

Valid research will help BCI to spread the word.  More children and more families will be healed.   Working together, we can change the future of generations to come, beyond even our own families.

Will you join me?  Sign up for this online class at: www.BeyondConsequencesOnline.com

Press on,

Heather T. Forbes, LCSW

PS: NOTE: *SESSIONS ARE ALWAYS RECORDED*
If you cannot make the time, you’ll have access to listen online to the recording and/or download via MP3 and listen on your iPod/MP3 player.

A Special Note Just for-

Overseas Parents:
Due to demand, I will be offering the BCLC Parent Training Curriculum to successful participants of the Online Course (in place of the 2 Day Intensive Training).
You will have to attend all classes live to be eligible for the purchase of the Curriculum.

Blogging Families:
If you are interested in being a part of January’s Online Class (at no charge) & this Research Study, please email your blog url to Andrea at beyondconsequencesonline (at) gmail (dot) com so that we can approve you to take this class in exchange for you publishing one 300-500 word blog post per week of class (10 posts in all).

Please Note: January class will be able to participate in an optional research study (details in video)! Sign up for the full course at http://www.beyondconsequencesonline.com

Please Note: January class will be able to participate in an optional research study (details in video)! Sign up for the full course at http://www.beyondconsequencesonline.com

Feedback from the most recent Beyond Consequences Online Parenting Class graduates:

Join us for the next course, starting January 6th!

Attend the first session free, no coupon needed, by registering here or sign up for the full course now at http://www.beyondconsequencesonline.com

Live, Interactive Classes for Caregivers of Children with Difficult Behaviors now available Online for Adoption, Foster or Court Requirement and Personal / Professional Growth

Heather T. Forbes, LCSW of the Beyond Consequences Institute (BCI), offers parents and professionals a new and exciting interactive online program, available at www.beyondconsequencesonline.com.

This unique 11 week program offers live, interactive courses in a virtual classroom environment for both parents and professionals. The course is based on the book authored by Forbes, “Beyond Consequences, Logic & Control; A Love-Based Approach to Helping Children with Severe Behaviors” which is frequently a #1 Amazon.com Bestseller in the Adoption Category. This course is ideal for those needing to take a parenting class for adoption and foster parent training, at the request of the court, as part of a legal or probationary requirement, a custody agreement, or simply for personal growth as a parent or professional.

“Parents can take advantage of the technology we use to get connected and supported in ways they’ve never been able to before.” says Forbes, “We have designed an online experience like no other. The Beyond Consequences Online professional and parenting training program can be taken from anywhere in the world and can be attended live or through the recordings.”

During the live portion of the weekly classes, Forbes delivers course content in a webinar room, using web cams, power point slides, class discussions, role plays, and Q & A sessions to educate and inspire participants. Homework during the 11 weeks includes over five hours of web video specifically recorded for the class as well as reading and exercises during the week. There is also a private online support group just for participants to discuss and get support outside of class. At the end of the 10 sessions (the first week is an overview of the course and Technical “How-To” Class) participants are presented with a Certificate of Completion and remain members of the support group for life.

In-person classes may also be found in your local community via BCI Certified Instructors and Facilitators throughout the world. Learn how you can facilitate classes at www.Intensive2DayTraining.com

Why take a course through the Beyond Consequences Institute? Unlike other Online Parent Classes that are only recorded modules, parents and professionals have a chance to interact and discuss topics in real-time, in a format that rivals a live classroom because of the interactivity and convenience. Participants will learn a new understanding into the behaviors of children with difficult behaviors, learn how to use unconditional love in any situation and learn new ways to handle some of the most difficult challenges children can present.

These new online parenting classes will give you a new understanding of:

*Love & Fear
*The Patterns That Bind Us & Hidden Feedback Loops
*Parents Appear Hostile and Angry
*Lying and Stealing
*Hoarding and Gorging
*Aggression
*Defiance
*Lack of Eye Contact
*Personality & Family Dynamics

www.BeyondConsequencesOnline.com is a new, exciting and innovative approach to taking a parenting course and is based on the latest brain research as explained in Volumes 1 & 2 of “Beyond Consequences, Logic & Control; A Love-Based Approach to Helping Children with Severe Behaviors”. Forbes’ latest book, “Dare To Love” is a supplementary resource that provides real-life, in depth Q & A from parents all around the world. Whether participants need to take a parenting class for an adoption, foster parent or court requirement, or just for personal growth, this course is an ideal way to learn the skills needed to become a better parent and improve relationship skills with their children and others.

About the Author:
Heather T. Forbes is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and owner of the Beyond Consequences Institute. Forbes has worked in the field of trauma and attachment since 1999. She is a best-selling author on the topics of adoptive motherhood, raising children with difficult and severe behaviors, and self-development. Forbes lectures, consults, and coaches parents throughout the U.S., Canada, and the U.K., working to create peaceful, loving families. Nationally syndicated television and radio shows have aired interviews with Forbes, who is passionate about supporting families by bridging the gap between academic research and “when the rubber hits the road” parenting. Much of her experience and insight on understanding trauma, disruptive behaviors, and adoption-related issues comes from her direct experience of mothering her two adopted children.

For information about Forbes’ free resources, live lectures, and new online parenting classes visit www.BeyondConsequences.com. To join her Online Community of “Beyond Consequences” Parents & Professionals visit www.HeatherTForbes.net or find her on www.Facebook.com/HeatherTForbesLCSW.

When “in the moment” your child is in his right brain, unable to access his cognitive and rational thinking. Image by cloois via Flickr

I wanted to share this email that I received from one of our online parenting class participants, who originally began studying my work to help kids in orphanages and found it was “ideal and needed” for her own family’s healing…

“Just want to say that
i love the course and that i’m getting a lot out of it. I have had some
really big breakthroughs on a personal level regarding my own trauma
growing up and how this has affected my parenting. I actually took this
parenting course just so that i could be a better mum to my biological
children (two boys aged 21-months and 4-yrs). I had suspected that my 4
year old has had trauma and it’s through doing this course and reading
Heather’s book and watching the DVDs that has highlighted this.

About his trauma:

When i fell pregnant it was a surprise and i cried as i felt really insecure, i also had a lot of anxiety and stress during my pregnancy. Then i had a c-section birth that was not planned as the babies heart rate dropped and i missed the initial birth bonding with him. But i think the biggest piece that happened to him was when i returned to work after taking extended leave when he was 9 months old. I hired a nanny at home and she was spending more time with him than me and he slowly but surely became more attached to her. It was very traumatic for my son and also for me too. This is when all the behaviors started getting worse. I can actually see the change in him when i look back over photos, it is huge and i never saw it at the time.

Shortly after i fell pregnant with my second child, i quit work and fired the nanny to became a full time mum at home. It took 2 years to bring back to life my relationship with my son who is now 4. I tried so many forms of parenting and they all failed long term.

Up until recently the behaviors i was experiencing were tantrums (lasting 1 to 2 hours) where i couldn’t console him, hyperactivity, not listening, lying, winging, being disobedient, hurting the family dog, stealing toys from his brother.

I now cherish the moments i have with my son and i have fallen back in love with him. I understood him better than anyone.

Since this online parenting course i have had many breakthroughs with him.

I give him therapeutic massage at night in bed and many nights have allowed him to sleep with me in my bed. He has been able to open up and talk to me about his fears. He is very sensitive and very emotional with a lot of energy. He gets overwhelmed easy and i am starting to see the triggers and signs. I am able to protect him when other family members put pressure on him with their own expectations and rules.

Recently he was triggered whilst in the care of family and he started acting out. He was hitting the dog and his baby brother and was told to stop it etc. After he got told off he was very disobedient and responded disrespectfully. As his punishment they put safety floats on his arms (as he cried and said no) and then threw him in the pool.

When i learned of this i was outraged and knew i had to deal with it face to face with the family member responsible. With my son i tried to get him in a time that was quiet and where we were both regulated and ask him what happened in a secure and safe place. I asked him on 3 different days and he seemed to have no memory of it and looked quite puzzled about what event i was talking about. It was only on the 4th time i asked him when i was giving him a massage on the legs and we were very close that he remembered the event and told me how frightened he was and how he didn’t want to go in the pool with all his clothes on. I gave him understanding, empathy and love. I apologized and reassured him it wouldn’t happen again etc.

I finally discussed it with the person. The energy from my son with that person was very strange, he looked with mistrusting eyes. Turns out the person was so sorry to hear that they scared him and that they’d never meant it that way. When asked what my parenting model was, i explained the BCI method so they could respect it in the future which was great.

When i talk in general with the family on my husbands side, they all keep saying they feel i’m over reacting and he is just a naughty 4 year old, they are not at all sensitive to his needs. It’s going to be a long road ahead but i’d much prefer to start now then later on when the problems are deeper etched and harder to deal with.

Thanks again for a great parenting course, i love the fact it keeps you on track each week and you stay focused to your goals because its so easy to slip back to old loops and that’s something i really want to avoid at all costs.” – an online parenting course participant

“When ‘in the moment’ with your child, your child is in his right
brain. He is emotional and he is unable to access his cognitive and
rational thinking (i.e., his left brain.) Asking him to tell you ‘why’
he is acting in this way is non-productive. Asking him to make a
‘choice’ is impossible. And asking him to ’stop’ is against nature.

Allow yourself to join your child in his dysregulated emotional
place. Let the rational thought and the life lesson follow later when
he is calm and more receptive. Join him in love and allow him the space
to be all he knows how to be for that very moment. ” ~ Heather Forbes,
LCSW

Heather and Andrea,

At the beginning I was skeptical about the Beyond Consequences method.

I believe there is no “magic wand” that you can wave, and everything is roses (with no thorns).

However, the more I learn the practical side of applying this model, and the thoughts and heart processes behind it, the more I find that it DOES work in every situation of life. I have found very few “helps” out there that show you in a practical way how to love through the difficulties. You have helped me to get over “myself”, but not in a “poor old me” or “walk all over me” kind of way. I’m beginning to understand how our brains and bodies are affected by stress, trauma and certain copying mechanisms we embrace.

You have helped me to face myself, embrace who I am, and then move forward with loving others where they are. This has not only revolutionized how I relate with my “challenging” child, but also with my “no problems” child, my husband, and even my coworkers. You say this method works for raising children who have experienced trauma, and also for what some would call the “good” child.

I believe the message you are bringing goes beyond parenting, and can heal relationships between spouses, with parents, friends… Love never fails…

This is a message for all people, in all walks of life, and in all cultures.

Having a training that is consistent week after week has helped me to make a “habit” out of approaching life through relational eyes, instead of just “logical” thinking. Thanks for making a difference!

June