“Why Won’t My Child Believe I love him?” Negative Belief Systems

December 4th, 2009
· by Heather Forbes · Filed Under: Parenting Neuroscience · Parenting eNewsletter

“Why Won’t My Child Believe I love him?”
Negative Belief Systems

Parenting & Brain Science

Reprinted from Heather T. Forbes’ LCSW eNewsletter

Q:  My son had a terrible early childhood history and constantly tells me he is a bad boy and that nobody loves him.   Yet, no matter how much we tell him what a good boy he is or how much we love him, nothing seems to help.  How can he continually reject these positive messages?

A:  From the moment a child is born, the child is dependent on others to care for him, nurture him, and teach him about the world.  This child has no other option but to trust that the information being given to him is the truth.  He has no filters….he accepts everything as fact.

For a child who goes through early childhood trauma, he lives in a world of false messages that are absorbed as truth.  Everything that is said to him becomes his reality.  Everything that is done to him becomes a reflection of who he is.

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Heather T Forbes, LCSW, Adoptive Mom, Parenting ExpertHeather T. Forbes, LCSW has trained in the field of trauma and attachment with nationally recognized, first-generation attachment therapists since 1999. Co-author of "Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-based Approach for Helping Children With Severe Behaviors Vol. 1", author of Vol 2 as well as the new "Dare To Love", Heather lectures, consults, and coaches parents and professionals throughout the U.S., Canada, and the U.K.

Much of her experience and insight on understanding trauma, disruptive behaviors, and adoption related issues has come from her most important job, being the mother of her two children (both adopted as toddlers from Russia and both of whom had intense traumatic histories).

Bridging the Gap Between the Neuroscience and Parenting

September 28th, 2008
· by Heather Forbes · Filed Under: Heather's Thoughts · Parenting Neuroscience

Bridging the Gap Between Neuroscience and Parenting

Poorly Constructed Bridge

At the beginning of this month, I attended a conference in Las Vegas where Dr. Allan Shore was the keynote speaker. His information was amazing! “Thick,” but amazing. By thick I mean it was in-depth, profound, intellectually stimulating, and heavily documented by scientific research.

The premise of his talk was that the repair of the self, or healing,
from early childhood experiences happens in the right hemisphere. The
right hemisphere is our unconscious processor and our emotional self.

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Heather T Forbes, LCSW, Adoptive Mom, Parenting ExpertHeather T. Forbes, LCSW has trained in the field of trauma and attachment with nationally recognized, first-generation attachment therapists since 1999. Co-author of "Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-based Approach for Helping Children With Severe Behaviors Vol. 1", author of Vol 2 as well as the new "Dare To Love", Heather lectures, consults, and coaches parents and professionals throughout the U.S., Canada, and the U.K.

Much of her experience and insight on understanding trauma, disruptive behaviors, and adoption related issues has come from her most important job, being the mother of her two children (both adopted as toddlers from Russia and both of whom had intense traumatic histories).