Disrupted Circadian Rhythms

Q: My foster son is 14 years old and has been in our home for 2 years. Since being with us, he has been sporadic in his sleep habits, but in the last year, it has gotten worse. His eating patterns are chaotic and he just seems completely out of balance. I’m trying to keep a regular and predictable schedule for him but this just isn’t working.

A: For any teenager, and especially for teenagers with traumatic histories, their circadian rhythms are disrupted. Circadian rhythms are the daily rhythms in the body that keep you balanced at a physiological level. They help you wake up and calm you down around sleep, they give you indicators as to when to eat, and they provide several other sensory experiences.

Circadian rhythms are naturally disrupted during the teenage years. For your foster son with a traumatic history, these rhythms were disrupted even before becoming a teenager due to environmental stressors, which means that now, during his teenage years, they are intensely disrupted.

The result is a son who needs to sleep at all hours of the day, eats in an unpredictable fashion, and simply operates in a disrupted physiological state. It is not a choice for him. It is simply how his body is operating at this developmental stage in his life; it is his inherent biological rhythm.

Parenting him will take understanding this biological principle. The next time your son has a hard time waking up at six o’clock in the morning, realize that his biological clock is telling him to sleep until noon. This is not resistance or defiance. It is simply how he is programmed at this stage in his life. Having this understanding will give you more patience and allow you to support him more as he struggles through life right now.

When trying to wake him up, tell him you understand how hard it must be for him. Many times we are so rushed in the morning that we focus solely on the logistics of getting ready, eating breakfast, and getting to the bus on time. Take a few minutes to connect with him, offer understanding, and allow him emotional space to be grumpy and resistant. As you focus on staying in relationship with him, he will have a greater ability to respond to you in a positive way when you ultimately have to say, “Okay, honey, we really have to get going now.”

Do some research on circadian rhythms and share it with him. Perhaps he will even sit down with you at the computer when you google this information. When he sees you taking interest in understanding him, it will speak volumes to him. As he begins to understand what is going on within his own body, he won’t have to feel as if there is something wrong with him.

Of course, as with most teenagers, he will be clever to use this in his favor. When you need him to get up and go to school, his response might be something like, “I can’t get up. It’ s my circadian rhythms!” This is where you have a brilliant opportunity to teach him how to not fall into being a victim to his biology. Through the power of his mind, he has the ability to overcome even the toughest of obstacles. As a foster child, I am certain he has had numerous experiences of feeling powerless. Empower him to take back his personal power and make his life work for him.

You mentioned you have been setting a schedule, which can sometimes be helpful. A scheduled external world can influence a child’s “internal world” to become more regular. There is however, a clarification I want to add to this. There is a huge difference between predictable schedule and rigid schedule. Too often, parents create a schedule for their family, yet set it into stone. This creates a rigid environment with little tolerance for the smallest variation. Rigidity is the first sign of death! So set a schedule, but in moderation allow for flexibility.

Yet, you mentioned that this has not helped. Your son may need to set his own schedule. Empower him to take charge of his body by having him set up a schedule for himself. If he feels as if he has some control over his daily life, he will be more motivated. No one likes being told what to do and when to do it, especially teenagers.

There are certain “must-do” events in everyday that he will not have control over (such as when to be at school, when to be at basketball practice, etc.). Yet, the other times of the day, help him learn how to plan out his daily life. Besides helping him to feel like he has some control over his life, you are teaching him a valuable tool that many adults have yet to master. Some teens may be too dysregulated to follow the actual plan, but you are at least helping them to begin the process and it is giving him time to process ahead of time his daily life.

Most importantly, when you stay in a place of understanding, decreasing the level of frustration you bring into your interactions with him, you are providing a healthier and safer environment within the context of your relationship with him. This is the most effective “tool” you have available. Your loving influence, wrapped with understanding, will help him establish more consistent rhythms within his body.

Press on!

Heather T. Forbes, LCSW
Parent and Co-author of Beyond Consequences, Logic & Control Vol 1, 2 and Dare to Love