Parenting Beyond Consequences

Parenting Beyond Consequences

Heather T Forbesby Heather T. Forbes, LCSW

author of  “Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control” Volumes 1 & 2 and “Dare to Love”

Children need unconditional love and unconditional acceptance from their parents; we all know this and believe this.  However, do we ever stop to consider how so many of the traditional parenting techniques accepted in our culture work contrary to this primal goal?

Traditional parenting techniques that involve consequences, controlling directives, and punishment are fear-based and fear-driven. 

Read the rest of this entry »

Post to Twitter

No Comments

Heather T Forbes, LCSW, Adoptive Mom, Parenting ExpertHeather T. Forbes, LCSW has trained in the field of trauma and attachment with nationally recognized, first-generation attachment therapists since 1999. Co-author of "Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-based Approach for Helping Children With Severe Behaviors Vol. 1", author of Vol 2 as well as the new "Dare To Love", Heather lectures, consults, and coaches parents and professionals throughout the U.S., Canada, and the U.K.

Much of her experience and insight on understanding trauma, disruptive behaviors, and adoption related issues has come from her most important job, being the mother of her two children (both adopted as toddlers from Russia and both of whom had intense traumatic histories).

Children’s Feelings, Behaviors, and Relationships

Children’s Feelings, Behaviors, and Relationships

(This article is based off the books “Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control Vol 1 & 2”

Visit our website at www.beyondconsequences.com)

By: Heather T. Forbes, LCSW

author of “Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control Vols 1, 2 & Dare To Love”


Children need unconditional love and unconditional acceptance from their parents; we all know this and believe this.  However, do we ever stop to consider how so many of the traditional parenting techniques accepted in our culture work contrary to this primal goal?  Traditional parenting techniques that involve consequences, controlling directives, and punishment are fear-based and fear-driven.  They have the ability to undermine the parent-child relationship and because they are tied into behavior, children easily interpret these actions to mean, “If I’m not good, I am not lovable.”  Thus, children often build a subconscious foundation that says that love and approval is based off of performance.

How to Parent With Love

Read the rest of this entry »

Post to Twitter

No Comments

Heather T Forbes, LCSW, Adoptive Mom, Parenting ExpertHeather T. Forbes, LCSW has trained in the field of trauma and attachment with nationally recognized, first-generation attachment therapists since 1999. Co-author of "Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-based Approach for Helping Children With Severe Behaviors Vol. 1", author of Vol 2 as well as the new "Dare To Love", Heather lectures, consults, and coaches parents and professionals throughout the U.S., Canada, and the U.K.

Much of her experience and insight on understanding trauma, disruptive behaviors, and adoption related issues has come from her most important job, being the mother of her two children (both adopted as toddlers from Russia and both of whom had intense traumatic histories).

Beyond Consequences Live Testimonial Los Altos

Post to Twitter

No Comments

Heather T Forbes, LCSW, Adoptive Mom, Parenting ExpertHeather T. Forbes, LCSW has trained in the field of trauma and attachment with nationally recognized, first-generation attachment therapists since 1999. Co-author of "Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-based Approach for Helping Children With Severe Behaviors Vol. 1", author of Vol 2 as well as the new "Dare To Love", Heather lectures, consults, and coaches parents and professionals throughout the U.S., Canada, and the U.K.

Much of her experience and insight on understanding trauma, disruptive behaviors, and adoption related issues has come from her most important job, being the mother of her two children (both adopted as toddlers from Russia and both of whom had intense traumatic histories).

Beyond Consequences Live Testimonial Los Altos

Post to Twitter

No Comments

Heather T Forbes, LCSW, Adoptive Mom, Parenting ExpertHeather T. Forbes, LCSW has trained in the field of trauma and attachment with nationally recognized, first-generation attachment therapists since 1999. Co-author of "Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-based Approach for Helping Children With Severe Behaviors Vol. 1", author of Vol 2 as well as the new "Dare To Love", Heather lectures, consults, and coaches parents and professionals throughout the U.S., Canada, and the U.K.

Much of her experience and insight on understanding trauma, disruptive behaviors, and adoption related issues has come from her most important job, being the mother of her two children (both adopted as toddlers from Russia and both of whom had intense traumatic histories).

Beyond Consequences Live Testimonial with Heather T Forbes, LCSW

http://www.BeyondConsequencesLive.com

Post to Twitter

No Comments

Heather T Forbes, LCSW, Adoptive Mom, Parenting ExpertHeather T. Forbes, LCSW has trained in the field of trauma and attachment with nationally recognized, first-generation attachment therapists since 1999. Co-author of "Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-based Approach for Helping Children With Severe Behaviors Vol. 1", author of Vol 2 as well as the new "Dare To Love", Heather lectures, consults, and coaches parents and professionals throughout the U.S., Canada, and the U.K.

Much of her experience and insight on understanding trauma, disruptive behaviors, and adoption related issues has come from her most important job, being the mother of her two children (both adopted as toddlers from Russia and both of whom had intense traumatic histories).

Protected: January 2010 Class Recordings

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:


Post to Twitter

No Comments

Heather T Forbes, LCSW, Adoptive Mom, Parenting ExpertHeather T. Forbes, LCSW has trained in the field of trauma and attachment with nationally recognized, first-generation attachment therapists since 1999. Co-author of "Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-based Approach for Helping Children With Severe Behaviors Vol. 1", author of Vol 2 as well as the new "Dare To Love", Heather lectures, consults, and coaches parents and professionals throughout the U.S., Canada, and the U.K.

Much of her experience and insight on understanding trauma, disruptive behaviors, and adoption related issues has come from her most important job, being the mother of her two children (both adopted as toddlers from Russia and both of whom had intense traumatic histories).

Participate in the Beyond Consequences Online Class & Research Study

“The Proof Is In the Pudding”

What does this saying mean, anyway?  I was curious, so I Googled it.  “The proof is in the pudding” means that the true value or quality of something can only be judged when it’s put to use or tried and tested.

So that’s what I want to do with Beyond Consequences! It’s time to get the science and numbers to back up all the testimonials I’ve received from parents from around the globe.

And that is where you come in. Would you like to be a part of our research study?

Read the rest of this entry »

Post to Twitter

No Comments

Heather T Forbes, LCSW, Adoptive Mom, Parenting ExpertHeather T. Forbes, LCSW has trained in the field of trauma and attachment with nationally recognized, first-generation attachment therapists since 1999. Co-author of "Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-based Approach for Helping Children With Severe Behaviors Vol. 1", author of Vol 2 as well as the new "Dare To Love", Heather lectures, consults, and coaches parents and professionals throughout the U.S., Canada, and the U.K.

Much of her experience and insight on understanding trauma, disruptive behaviors, and adoption related issues has come from her most important job, being the mother of her two children (both adopted as toddlers from Russia and both of whom had intense traumatic histories).

Online Parenting Course Overview (& Research Study)

Please Note: January class will be able to participate in an optional research study (details in video)! Sign up for the full course at http://www.beyondconsequencesonline.com

Get the Flash Player to see this player.

Get the Flash Player to see this player.

Get the Flash Player to see this player.

Get the Flash Player to see this player.

Get the Flash Player to see this player.

Get the Flash Player to see this player.

Get the Flash Player to see this player.

Please Note: January class will be able to participate in an optional research study (details in video)! Sign up for the full course at http://www.beyondconsequencesonline.com

Post to Twitter

6 Comments

Heather T Forbes, LCSW, Adoptive Mom, Parenting ExpertHeather T. Forbes, LCSW has trained in the field of trauma and attachment with nationally recognized, first-generation attachment therapists since 1999. Co-author of "Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-based Approach for Helping Children With Severe Behaviors Vol. 1", author of Vol 2 as well as the new "Dare To Love", Heather lectures, consults, and coaches parents and professionals throughout the U.S., Canada, and the U.K.

Much of her experience and insight on understanding trauma, disruptive behaviors, and adoption related issues has come from her most important job, being the mother of her two children (both adopted as toddlers from Russia and both of whom had intense traumatic histories).

Live, Interactive Classes for Caregivers of Children with Difficult Behaviors now available Online for Adoption, Foster or Court Requirement and Personal / Professional Growth

Live, Interactive Classes for Caregivers of Children with Difficult Behaviors now available Online for Adoption, Foster or Court Requirement and Personal / Professional Growth

Heather T. Forbes, LCSW of the Beyond Consequences Institute (BCI), offers parents and professionals a new and exciting interactive online program, available at www.beyondconsequencesonline.com.

This unique 11 week program offers live, interactive courses in a virtual classroom environment for both parents and professionals. The course is based on the book authored by Forbes, “Beyond Consequences, Logic & Control; A Love-Based Approach to Helping Children with Severe Behaviors” which is frequently a #1 Amazon.com Bestseller in the Adoption Category. This course is ideal for those needing to take a parenting class for adoption and foster parent training, at the request of the court, as part of a legal or probationary requirement, a custody agreement, or simply for personal growth as a parent or professional.

“Parents can take advantage of the technology we use to get connected and supported in ways they’ve never been able to before.” says Forbes, “We have designed an online experience like no other. The Beyond Consequences Online professional and parenting training program can be taken from anywhere in the world and can be attended live or through the recordings.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Post to Twitter

No Comments

Heather T Forbes, LCSW, Adoptive Mom, Parenting ExpertHeather T. Forbes, LCSW has trained in the field of trauma and attachment with nationally recognized, first-generation attachment therapists since 1999. Co-author of "Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-based Approach for Helping Children With Severe Behaviors Vol. 1", author of Vol 2 as well as the new "Dare To Love", Heather lectures, consults, and coaches parents and professionals throughout the U.S., Canada, and the U.K.

Much of her experience and insight on understanding trauma, disruptive behaviors, and adoption related issues has come from her most important job, being the mother of her two children (both adopted as toddlers from Russia and both of whom had intense traumatic histories).

Beyond Consequences Live! Event Testimonial

Beyond Consequences ParentHeather-

I really didn’t know what type of conference I was going to when my friend asked me to attend with her. I felt I couldn’t go wrong seeing it was free and all I needed was a book, not bad I love to read! So I really didn’t have anything to lose right?

I have already been to therapists that have basically said,” my daughter is the way she is because of me”.

I didn’t and don’t understand this as I adopted her when she was four, she’s now 5 and had her as a foster child since she was three (a short life filled with disappointment, neglect, and no attachments to adults or otherwise). I felt I was doing right by her as I parented her the same way I parent my other children (3 biological and 2 adopted). After attending your conference in Los Altos I had a better understanding of her, of me, of the crisis in our family.

I want to THANK YOU! Thank you for opening my eyes. Thank you for giving me a better understanding of the behaviors my daughter exhibits. I never realized that she was and is behaving this way because of stress, fear and not being “regulated”.  I didn’t even know that regulate and dysregulated existed.  I have often thought that she knows what she is doing is wrong, she is purposely manipulating me, my husband and our family.  But all the while she is “acting out” because it’s the only way she knows how to express herself. This is her way of coping with her scary and uncertain world.

I have worked for the last couple of days really paying attention to when she “acts out”.  It’s important to see what situations are a trigger for her. And then working through them instead of negatively reacting to them.  I know that healing our family is going to take time. As I see it all I have is time for my family and I’m totally devoted to healing us.

Thank you again!

Sincerely,
Kelly Howard (In Picture:  Ryan 8 Krista 5 Tristan 3 and me! Pumpkin Patch 2009)

Post to Twitter

No Comments

Heather T Forbes, LCSW, Adoptive Mom, Parenting ExpertHeather T. Forbes, LCSW has trained in the field of trauma and attachment with nationally recognized, first-generation attachment therapists since 1999. Co-author of "Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-based Approach for Helping Children With Severe Behaviors Vol. 1", author of Vol 2 as well as the new "Dare To Love", Heather lectures, consults, and coaches parents and professionals throughout the U.S., Canada, and the U.K.

Much of her experience and insight on understanding trauma, disruptive behaviors, and adoption related issues has come from her most important job, being the mother of her two children (both adopted as toddlers from Russia and both of whom had intense traumatic histories).