Beyond Consequences Live! Event Testimonial
December 18th, 2009
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by Heather Forbes · Filed Under: Beyond Consequences Live
Heather-
I really didn’t know what type of conference I was going to when my friend asked me to attend with her. I felt I couldn’t go wrong seeing it was free and all I needed was a book, not bad I love to read! So I really didn’t have anything to lose right?
I have already been to therapists that have basically said,” my daughter is the way she is because of me”.
I didn’t and don’t understand this as I adopted her when she was four, she’s now 5 and had her as a foster child since she was three (a short life filled with disappointment, neglect, and no attachments to adults or otherwise). I felt I was doing right by her as I parented her the same way I parent my other children (3 biological and 2 adopted). After attending your conference in Los Altos I had a better understanding of her, of me, of the crisis in our family.
I want to THANK YOU! Thank you for opening my eyes. Thank you for giving me a better understanding of the behaviors my daughter exhibits. I never realized that she was and is behaving this way because of stress, fear and not being “regulated”. I didn’t even know that regulate and dysregulated existed. I have often thought that she knows what she is doing is wrong, she is purposely manipulating me, my husband and our family. But all the while she is “acting out” because it’s the only way she knows how to express herself. This is her way of coping with her scary and uncertain world.
I have worked for the last couple of days really paying attention to when she “acts out”. It’s important to see what situations are a trigger for her. And then working through them instead of negatively reacting to them. I know that healing our family is going to take time. As I see it all I have is time for my family and I’m totally devoted to healing us.
Thank you again!
Sincerely,
Kelly Howard (In Picture: Ryan 8 Krista 5 Tristan 3 and me! Pumpkin Patch 2009)
Heather T. Forbes, LCSW has trained in the field of trauma and attachment with nationally recognized, first-generation attachment therapists since 1999. Co-author of "Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-based Approach for Helping Children With Severe Behaviors Vol. 1", author of Vol 2 as well as the new "Dare To Love", Heather lectures, consults, and coaches parents and professionals throughout the U.S., Canada, and the U.K.
Much of her experience and insight on understanding trauma, disruptive behaviors, and adoption related issues has come from her most important job, being the mother of her two children (both adopted as toddlers from Russia and both of whom had intense traumatic histories).
