“Why Won’t My Child Believe I love him?” Negative Belief Systems
December 4th, 2009
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by Heather Forbes · Filed Under: Parenting Neuroscience · Parenting eNewsletter
“Why Won’t My Child Believe I love him?”
Negative Belief Systems
Reprinted from Heather T. Forbes’ LCSW eNewsletter
Q: My son had a terrible early childhood history and constantly tells me he is a bad boy and that nobody loves him. Yet, no matter how much we tell him what a good boy he is or how much we love him, nothing seems to help. How can he continually reject these positive messages?
A: From the moment a child is born, the child is dependent on others to care for him, nurture him, and teach him about the world. This child has no other option but to trust that the information being given to him is the truth. He has no filters….he accepts everything as fact.
For a child who goes through early childhood trauma, he lives in a world of false messages that are absorbed as truth. Everything that is said to him becomes his reality. Everything that is done to him becomes a reflection of who he is. Read the rest of this entry »
Heather T. Forbes, LCSW has trained in the field of trauma and attachment with nationally recognized, first-generation attachment therapists since 1999. Co-author of "Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-based Approach for Helping Children With Severe Behaviors Vol. 1", author of Vol 2 as well as the new "Dare To Love", Heather lectures, consults, and coaches parents and professionals throughout the U.S., Canada, and the U.K.
Much of her experience and insight on understanding trauma, disruptive behaviors, and adoption related issues has come from her most important job, being the mother of her two children (both adopted as toddlers from Russia and both of whom had intense traumatic histories).
As I continue to grow in my own process, learning and experiencing love to a greater level each day, I am including in this month’s eNewsletter my latest reflections. Sometimes we have to step back from the grind of it all and reposition ourselves from a broader perspective. Sometimes simple statements of the truth can have a greater impact than lengthy dissertations of examples. I shared these reflections with the ladies who attended my Mom’s Conference last weekend and received positive feedback. I hope you enjoy them as much as they did.
