Children’s Feelings, Behaviors, and Relationships
February 12th, 2010
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by Heather Forbes · Filed Under: Educational Resources · Parenting Inspiration
Children’s Feelings, Behaviors, and Relationships
(This article is based off the books “Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control Vol 1 & 2”
Visit our website at www.beyondconsequences.com)
By: Heather T. Forbes, LCSW
author of “Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control Vols 1, 2 & Dare To Love”
Children need unconditional love and unconditional acceptance from their parents; we all know this and believe this. However, do we ever stop to consider how so many of the traditional parenting techniques accepted in our culture work contrary to this primal goal? Traditional parenting techniques that involve consequences, controlling directives, and punishment are fear-based and fear-driven. They have the ability to undermine the parent-child relationship and because they are tied into behavior, children easily interpret these actions to mean, “If I’m not good, I am not lovable.” Thus, children often build a subconscious foundation that says that love and approval is based off of performance.
How to Parent With Love
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Heather T. Forbes, LCSW has trained in the field of trauma and attachment with nationally recognized, first-generation attachment therapists since 1999. Co-author of "Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-based Approach for Helping Children With Severe Behaviors Vol. 1", author of Vol 2 as well as the new "Dare To Love", Heather lectures, consults, and coaches parents and professionals throughout the U.S., Canada, and the U.K.
Much of her experience and insight on understanding trauma, disruptive behaviors, and adoption related issues has come from her most important job, being the mother of her two children (both adopted as toddlers from Russia and both of whom had intense traumatic histories).
