Why is My Child Creating A Crisis All The Time?
February 15th, 2008
·
by Heather Forbes · Filed Under: Parenting Q & A
Q: When trying to embrace my daughter (age 13) during stressful times, I began to realize that she has created crises over and over to receive that kind of love and attention. It ended up whenever I had a plan and it didn’t include her (work, coffee with a friend, etc.), she’d have a crisis (feel sick, kick the wall and insist on a trip to the E.R., lock herself in her room). Then, when I started to include her in everything, she’d sabotage it (push the table over in the restaurant, break equipment at work, ruin clothes in stores at the mall, etc.). I felt like I was being completely controlled and “trained” to focus only on her all of the time. How do you manage that in moderation? A: There are several dynamics going on in the relationship between you and your daughter. First, let’s look beyond the behavior to determine why children “create crises.” The voice of this type of behavior is saying, “I need to feel loved and I need to have attention so I know I won’t be lost in this world!”
Read the rest of this entry »
Heather T. Forbes, LCSW has trained in the field of trauma and attachment with nationally recognized, first-generation attachment therapists since 1999. Co-author of "Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-based Approach for Helping Children With Severe Behaviors Vol. 1", author of Vol 2 as well as the new "Dare To Love", Heather lectures, consults, and coaches parents and professionals throughout the U.S., Canada, and the U.K.
Much of her experience and insight on understanding trauma, disruptive behaviors, and adoption related issues has come from her most important job, being the mother of her two children (both adopted as toddlers from Russia and both of whom had intense traumatic histories).